It seemed as if I did not know who I was anymore. No thoughts, no words, no hope as it seemed to be. My purpose of life seemed to be lost. When I cried, it seemed as if no one knew, no one paid attention to ask me what was wrong. My tears were beginning to feel worthless, because after I cry everything was yet the same. I was not aware of what was so special about me. I could not seem to find that sparkle of light that stood out and told me that you are amazing. Sometimes it seemed so hard to put some of the situations that had happened into words. Put them into words to where I know that someone will be able to understand what I am trying to say. I thought that by crying I would be able to lose track of some of these unspoken words that were bottled up inside. I could not seem to understand why I was feeling this way. I sometimes wonder if some things could go away or will they be there forever. There were times when I cried and nothing happened. I think I only cried because it was the only thing that I was able to do. I only cried because it was the only way I would be able to deal with this person that was living inside of me. We sometimes wonder if we can just take a break from the world and just go away, but yet we never wonder how we are going to get back. There comes a time in every one’s life where they feel that something needs to change. That change might not take place when you want it to, but you know that there is a change that needs to happen. Sometimes we may wait to see what is going to happen on its own time, but when there is no change we get upset with ourselves. That was one of the things that I had to deal with growing up. Even though I did not begin to tell anyone what was going on with me when it was happening, I just wanted it to stop. I wanted something to change. I just wait and while waiting I would just cry, but no one bothered to ask me what was wrong. So I just waited, and I waited, and I waited, and there was nothing. I started to get upset, but that is when God spoke to me and he said, open your mouth and let it be known. I allowed God to continue to speak to me, I started to talk about what was done to me. I begin to notice this change in my life. My tears of unspoken words became tears of spoken words. I had noticed how I started to feel better in the inside when letting some of this pain out. While talking about it, it did hurt, but I knew that I will not be hurt physically anymore. Those days were over where I was going to allow someone to make me do something that I did not want to do. Those days were over where I was going to cry and not understand where the tears were coming from. Those days were over where I was going to allow myself to hurt for something I did not do. Those days were over where I was going to take hold of the guilt for something that was done to me. Those days were over where I was going to hurt in the inside because I was afraid to talk. Those days are over where I allow dreams to take control of my body. There comes a time in your life when you just get tired. You get tired of hurting, you get tired of being afraid of the real person that lives inside of you. That person has to come out sooner or later. The longer you try to hold that person in the more you will allow yourself to hurt. If there is something you can do to allow yourself to be free and not hurt, do it at your best ability. I may continue to cry today, but I can say that my tears are spoken for. My tears have become tears of joy. No one has access to take that away from me because they did not give it to me God did. To this day I know in my heart that everything is going to be ok.
