There were days where I did not know who to talk to. Once I turned my life to God, things began to change. I tried my best to not think about the past, but somehow every time I turned around it was there. It would come back in dreams, and it seemed like everything was happening all over again. I knew that I just had to live life one day at a time. Each day it seemed like things got worse. When I would go to church, it seemed like that was the only place where I felt free. It seemed like it was the only place where I could just let everything out. Times I did not care I just wanted God to know that I needed him. I wanted God to know that I was waiting on him to take control. I wanted God to know that I was waiting on him to step in. I was willing to step out and allow him to step in. After going to church twice a week, it seemed like I was yet getting the full understanding of just letting go and let God have his way. I just wanted to be free; I just wanted to start life over. I knew somehow in the spirit it was a way to do so. I would go to church at times, and not know what to do. There were days where I did not know what to say to God. I wanted him to know that I love him, and I thanked him for being a part of my life. When I would be at church I knew that it was my chance to get renewed. Church was almost like a gas station. Going twice a week to get filled up. If I missed a Sunday I would begin to feel empty. Church is where I could cry, and yet laugh at the same time. Church is where I could really explain myself to God, and let him know that I wanted more of him. This one day came where I knew it was time to just take a set and have a conversation with God. Tears begun to fall down my eyes, as I began to think of everything that He have brought me through. I have never taken the time to realize that I could have been gone. I never took time to set and tell God that I never would have made it without him. I would always wonder why others at church would be so happy, and still have problems of their own. They knew that while they were planning things out, God had already worked it out. Getting saved I knew that everything was not going to go away over night, but I knew that Joy was always going to be there in the morning. After getting saved, it seemed like things started to bother me more. There were nights where I could not sleep, days where I did not know who to talk. At times I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted God to explain to me why certain things had to happen. God began to speak to me and he said to me that he will never put more on me than I can bare. I never received a full understanding of anything as it seems. I pray that my relationship with God will continue to grow, I believe he will strengthen me, so that I will be able to move on with life, and not focus so much on my past, and focus more on him.
