As my eyes deliberately begin to open to a brand new day, I did not get too exultant because I knew that today was going to be just like yesterday. My mind has all of these thoughts jumping around, wondering if I should just shut my little brown eyes and continue to dream. Hoping that my mom will rapidly walk in our room with something to eat. The longer I stayed awake, the sicker I started to feel. This was just another day where I cried more, wished more, waited more, most of all wanted more. As I looked out the foggy window in the bedroom, my heart started to surge to another pulse. The sun was slowly starting to gleam, as my sisters started to rise. It was time to get ready for school. I had no clue of what I was going to wear. I did not like school because the other kids in my class always talked about the clothes I had on and the way I smelled. I permanently wanted to be like the other kids in my class yet, I was the total opposite. Sometimes it seemed like the teacher didn’t want to stand by me neither. “I guess it was the way she treated me at times”. When I would be at school I would want to be home, and when I would be home I wanted to be at school. When lunch time arrived, I would sometimes question other children if they were going to finish their food or not. Because I knew that it may have been the only thing I would be able to devour that day, it seemed as if we only went to school to eat anyway. I found myself sitting abandoned at times during school; I hoped that someone would come to me and ask me what was wrong. Even if they had, I would not know what to tell them first. I started to feel very confused about life. Wondering if all little girls were discerning and living in the same position that I was in. I never communicated much about what was fluctuating in my little head but I knew that my thoughts were seriously strange. It was time to go back home, a time I liked and did not like. As we entered the front door, we knew to go straight to our bedroom. I laid in the middle of the bed rails with no mattress; my eyes were starting to bubble up. At the same time I was famished. I knew that something had to happen, I was tired of going to bed hungry, and I knew that my sisters were also. These were the times where getting food was up to my sisters and me. My older sister looked at me and said, “Somebody has to get food”. I started to cry because I knew that it was me again who was getting sent out. The sun was just beginning to disappear, and my sisters were getting as hungry as I was. My older sister told me to just go out the bedroom window. I pushed up the lock on the window as hard as I could until I heard it click. I thought I heard footsteps and I quickly jumped down and pretended to be sleep. After a couple of minutes I resumed trying to get food for my sisters and I. I finally made it out of the window, and yet thinking how will I get back in. Tip toeing to the front of the house trying to avoid passing cars. I made my way across the street to a neighbor’s house. As I knocked on the neighbors door my knees begun to clap together. I started to say the quote that my older sister taught me to say. “My mom said can she borrow a loaf of bread until she gets paid”. I was hoping that the neighbor will not ask me where I lived or where my mom was. She came back with the loaf of bread and swiftly placed it in my hand. I ran back across the street as fast as I can. As I got closer to the house, I noticed that there was a car in the driveway. My heart started to pound, I just knew I was about to get caught. The front door gradually started to open. With the loaf of bread in my hand, I crawled under the car that was in the driveway. I heard the car door open, I held tight to the loaf of bread. I was determined to get this bread to my sisters. As the car pulled out the driveway, tears instantly started to fall from my eyes. Mom came and grabbed me and yanked me in the house. I came back in the bedroom with my sisters, I was not crying because I had just gotten whipped. I was crying because I did not succeed in getting food for my sisters and I. It was just another night where we were going to bed famished. I did not have a full understanding of why my older sister always choose me to do bad things, even though it was the only plan we had to prepare life for ourselves. Days and days passed where I assumed something in my life was going to change. I knew that the best was yet to come. I did not have a full understanding of God but I did believe that there was a God. There were days where my sisters and I wished to be somewhere else. I guess it was like any other little girl. Wishing that she was a little princess and someone was going to show up to rescue her. Wishing that she can have that chance to play with Barbie dolls again. Wanting to be able to laugh like any other little girl. My sisters and I set in our room time after time wondering what was going to happen next. As a burly smell of urine begins to upsurge from the carpet. Our room is where we took care of all our business. We were not allowed to leave the room unless we were in trouble or if we were told to do so. There were days where mom walked in the room yelling at us for no reason, as the powerful smell of alcohol came from her mouth. At them times we knew that mom was under the influence of alcohol. When mom was blotto it seemed like she forgot about any and everything. One day mom made my sisters and I go outside for no reason that we knew of, we remained outside for hours. She called us back in to go to our room. When we got to the door, she did not allow one of my sisters to enter the house. She had it set in her mind that she did not know her. As my sister started to cry mom closed the door in her face. She had know where to go. She sat at the edge of the yard, until mom finally let her in the house. When mom did things like this we started to get the impression that she did not care about us. She would leave us home and we had no clue of where she went, or when she was coming back. Things started to seem different, it seemed like mom was trying to hide us. Like someone was trying to take us from her. I hoped that someone would come. My sisters and I just wanted that love and that care that we were missing out on. Mom started to treat us different; she would call us in the living room and begin talking to us. Not only mom knew but, we knew that mom had problems and, needed help. All we wanted was that loving mom, that mom that showed she cared. She began to talk to us about foster care, and how she did not want anyone to take us. Days and days passed, and soon there were people coming to our home talking to mom. Just when we thought things were starting to get better, it seemed like they were getting worse. We were taken from our mom, yet I still had the faith, that the best was yet to come.
